Jason Hine: A man and his moustache

In advance of this year’s highly anticipated ‘Stache Bash, TCI correspond Spencer Powers text-interviewed reigning moustache champion Jason Hine about his triumphs and tribulations.
Powers: Jason, to what do you attribute your resounding facial hair success?

Hine: I’d have to say genetics, naturally high testosterone, and a pure red meat diet.

Powers: I’m going to cut to the chase; one of your former teammates has accused you of using moustache-enhancing substances. How do you respond to these allegations?

Hine: I’m going to have to confirm these allegations. When you’re performing at the level I am, you need to supplement yourself. Just ask Cher, she’ll tell you the same thing. Clearly this plush, gorgeous moustache is only possible with the perfect combination of hard work, discipline, and super-human doses of Rogaine injected straight into the lip.

Powers: I admire your candor and courage Jason. Can you tell me more about the pressures you feel in the world of high-stakes facial hair?

Hine: I guess I’d say just the pressure to push the envelope. It’s a very dangerous sport. I read the other day [about a guy] who choked on his own moustache in his sleep. Just terrible. You know, as an up and coming sport, we don’t have the regulations of baseball or basketball. We have to take care of ourselves and with so much pressure to perform, things can get out of hand fast.

Powers: Did you have a mentor to help you navigate the treacherous seas of this sport?

Hine: No. Relying on instincts, fundamentals and talent.

Powers: Do you see yourself as a role model for America’s youth?

Hine: I’m not going to say that. I mean, would we all be a little better off if kids these days had a poster of Jay Hine on their wall? Yes. Do I represent everything a young mother hopes their child can someday become? Of course. Problem is, no one else thinks so.

Powers: What words of wisdom do you have for our readers interested in testing their moustache mettle at this year’s ‘Stache Bash?

Hine: I would say go for it. We work hard and take things seriously all year. It’s important to let loose and be goofy sometimes. Plus, you could come away with a title.

TCI would like to thank Jason for his thoughts.